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Archive for April, 2012

She was almost 99 when she died. Almost.

She attributed her longevity to rain. Not watching it. Getting wet in it.

As May approaches, I always start thinking of Granny. Her birthday is May 5. She would have been 109 this year.

I thought she would live forever. I think she did too, asking me once “How old was Methuselah really?”

Granny

You see, Granny firmly believed that if you got wet in the first May rain, you would not be sick for the rest of the year. It seems to be true.

Granny did not diet; dessert was mandatory. Granny did not exercise although she worked in her yard daily. She did not take medicine, not an aspirin, not a spoonful of Creomulsion.

There was no Tai Chi, Tae Bo, Kwan Do, Cross fit, or Karate. No Zumba, Yoga, Troga, or Sweatin’ with the Oldies. No treadmill, no recumbent, no elliptical. Certainly no running. Why run somewhere when you can get in your big long Chrysler car and drive?

She didn’t need it. For every year, as the fifth month began, we would perch at the ready waiting for a gray cloud to darken the blue South Alabama sky, listening for a distant rumble of thunder. Is the breeze picking up? Does it feel more humid?

Then as soon as the first drops began to fall, we would race outside and get wet in the first magical, mystical, healing May rain.

Now to be sure, Granny was no hard-bodied hottie. Not in her youth; not in her so-called golden years. If you subscribe to her notion of the power of precipitation, you must be well aware of the consequences and willing to accept them.

Your might see a slight jiggle when you lift your arm. [Gasp!] There might be a dimple or two in your thigh area. [Egads!]  You might not have pecs. [Ladies, not really the most attractive look anyway.]

And you just might have to come to terms with looking just how you look, and being just fine with it. [Oh, the horror!]

Make no mistake. Granny prided herself on being well-dressed, neat, proper.  But Granny didn’t sweat a wrinkle. She didn’t paint her face all up, although a little powder and lipstick were de riguer. She didn’t dye her snowy hair, white since her late 30s.

And she did exercise. She exercised her mind. She read a great deal, but the Press-Register and the Bible she read every day. She was a cut-throat bridge player. Strategy. Subtlety. She worked crosswords and find-a-words. She conversed. She questioned. She believed.

So maybe the secret to longevity is not in a few drops of water from the sky, but in the contentment that comes with believing those drops will make everything alright – at least for one more year.

Either way, this year, as I do every year, when I hear the first distant clap of thunder, I will go stand outside and wait. Wait for the rain. Wait for contentment.

Thank you, Granny.

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As I look back through the photographic record of my childhood, I see a distinct pattern.

To commemorate most every special occasion, I was hauled out in the yard, strategically placed in front of something blooming with seasonal flowers, and commanded to stare into the sun until my retinas burned away, all while trying to smile and not look too sweaty and miserable.

Me and the azaleas

Easter was an especially good holiday for playing fauna to so much spring flora as the azaleas, daffodils, sweetheart roses, and all manner of other gaudy horticulture would be in full bloom. Which makes me wonder sometimes – was the picture really about me as the cute, blonde and all-around irresistibly adorable and charming first granddaughter or was it about the damn azaleas?

Brother maintains that because flash bulbs were so expensive, there was really no other option if one wanted to capture the moment we all got dressed up in our Sunday best to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior. You had to leave the dark recesses of your dwelling and venture out into the harsh light of day in order to even get a clear picture. I counter that high holidays are just an excuse to immortalize the yard of the month on Kodachrome.

Looking back through even older photos as well, the subjects often do not look terribly happy to be in the picture

Baw and the azaleas

and seem almost secondary to a more important subject, say a horseless wagon. Their squinty demeanors tell me that they too seem to have been commanded to stare directly into the sun in order to properly accentuate the real subject of interest.

In these days of camera phones, Facebook, Instagram and the overwhelming compulsion to share every mundane event, like what I ate for lunch, in all it’s photographic, plastic fork glory, are photographs even special anymore? In fact, once I am gratified by the image on the screen, I find I am hard pressed to ever get prints made.

I have fabulous images of my life…on my phone…on my computer. But what will Sonny have? A box full of yellowed, wonderfully smelly prints of him standing by random bushes? Unfortunately, I doubt it. His childhood will be immortalized in cyberspace or on an obsolete hard drive. It will be password protected.

Granny, me, and a flowering bush

It’s hard to get above your raisin’s though. That’s why every Easter (and first day of school, and Halloween, and 4th of July…) I too drag my child out into the yard, strategically place him on the front steps, and command him to look dapper and happy while staring directly into a ball of fire and trying not to perspire. “Smile,” I bark in the true spirit of Christian charity and motherly devotion, “For the love of Pete, stop squinting and smile!”

After all, nothing says Happy Easter like standing in the yard by a bush and wondering if you’ll be seeing spots all the way to church.

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