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Posts Tagged ‘fried’

The f-word

Lent is upon us. The bon temps have roulered and now it is time to pray, reflect, repent, and give up.

In past years I have given up cokes, sweets, and criticizing – not necessarily in that order. This year, after careful consideration and soul-searching, I have decided to give up that which calls me with its irresistibly hedonistic siren song. That which hides great pleasures not evident at first blush. That which tempts me more than sugar, alcohol, and cigarettes – the f-word…

Fried.

Yes, you heard it right. I am giving up all things fried.

You see, I have had a lifelong love affair with all that is covered in crust and floated in hot, bubbling lard. Eggplant, okra, green tomatoes, onions – all elevated to heavenly heights when battered and sizzled to perfection in a hot vat of grease. And any sort of distasteful, foul vegetable is infinitely redeemed when shrouded in a cloak of golden brown (yella squash, I’m talking about you, you mushy, sad excuse for produce).

Fried corn and fried potatoes – oops, I think I’ve drooled on the page here…

And don’t even get me started on the virtues of fried chicken, fried fish, and that most perfect of all fried bread creations – the hushpuppy, crusty on the outside, soft on the inside. Sort of like me if I was a fried wad of dough.

Heaven on plastic courtesy of Jordan's Fish Camp, Buckatunna MS

There is little I love more than to gaze upon a plate filled with monochromatic delicacies, only differing in their various and sundry shades of aureate frydacity. Maybe a dollop of red ketchup for contrast, a splash of white tartar sauce for compliment, or the tiniest hint, just a whisper, of green showing through some cole slaw, but mainly, a plate that is gloriously golden, just like the halo of one of God’s own angels.

Now Lent isn’t totally about self-denial and personal flagellation. Lent is also a time to examine activities and practices that might make you a better person. So to counterbalance my withdrawal from grease trap deprivation, I have decided to focus my attention and energy on another f-word…

Fresh.

You see, all those veggies referenced above that ultimately met their maker in a cast iron skillet of Crisco, were once vibrant, colorful treasures found most times in our very own garden. When I was growing up, we ate what was growing when it was growing, or what was canned when it was growing. There was no endless aisle of produce from Chile, California, or Thailand. Our produce came from the garden, the back of someone’s truck, or as repayment for a favor done.

I had no idea that asparagus was anything other than tinny, green goo until I was in my twenties! Who knew the pleasures of fresh brussel or mung bean sprouts? Swiss chard? Didn’t know it existed.

So for the next forty days and forty nights, I am going to set aside my sinful and singeful ways and turn to the light. I’m going to order that CSA box from Freshfully that I’ve long said I would. I’m going to embrace the flavors and textures of my dinner, long hidden behind the batter.

And I’m going to rise from the dinner table ready to meet the challenges, spiritual and otherwise, of this mortal existence unencumbered by the weight of gluttony, grease and lard.

But you know what they say, the road to Hell is paved with…cornmeal! And buttermilk! And beer batter!

Heaven help me.

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At lunch yesterday, in an effort to be health-conscious, I ordered a vegetable plate. Collards, fried green tomatoes, fried eggplant slices, and macaroni and cheese were my selections from the vast list of vegetables prepared by Lloyd’s, one of Birmingham’s landmark diners. They all arrived at my table escorted by a bowl of iceberg lettuce with some carrot slivers in it, three whoppin’ big hushpuppies, some pepper sauce, and a bowl of banana pudding. Have mercy, it was good!

You see, eating healthy is just a simple matter of partaking at least once a day in a balanced offering from each of the four food groups. In case you have forgotten your basic nutrition, those groups are as follows: salad, fried, sides, and dessert.

Let me explain.

The best way to commence a wholesome dining experience is with a salad.  One’s first course can come in all sorts of incarnations – congealed, slaw, layered, marinated, or the aforementioned iceberg with dressing. It’s all good. Whether it be fruits, vegetables, cheese, gelatin, topped with mayonnaise, infused with marshmallows or nuts or both, a veritable farmer’s market in a bowl or a ring-molded confection, no meal is complete without it.

Next is my particular favorite: the fried group. Fish, fowl, mammal, or vegetable – if you can wrestle it into some batter and dip it in hot grease, you can fry it. Cornmeal, flour, beer, milk, and/or eggs will all embrace some delectable tidbit in the loving arms of crust when kissed by some sizzling hot fat. The only thing that makes a fried delicacy any better is that other glorious incarnation of the same flour, milk, and grease triumvirate: gravy.

Now, I want you to pay particular attention here, because I am about to tell you the answer to the question of the ages: How in the world can macaroni and cheese be considered a vegetable?

Are you ready?

It’s not!

We all know it’s not really a vegetable. Macaroni and cheese is merely a victim of Southern misidentification, just like when you say “I’m going to get me a Coke” but you actually purchase a Dr. Pepper. The steam table’s favorite son is actually a “side” just like your hushpuppies, and dressing, and stewed apples, and dumplings and all those other fantastically scrumptious, but hard to classify, indulgences. By the same token, a “vegetable plate” is just a conglomeration of all your favorite sides.

One’s final course might be something as simple as a biscuit with butter and syrup or some nice cantaloupe, a traditional favorite like pudding, cake, or pie, preferably a la mode, or something flat fancy and involving fire like creme brulee or Bananas Foster. But whatever it is, no well-rounded repast would be complete without dessert or as Husband likes to say, “a sweet treat.”

So there it is. The truth is out. Healthy eating is easy greasy.

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