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Posts Tagged ‘Leroy’

This morning I found myself in the backyard clad in my housecoat and sturdy moccasin slippers. This morning, my left elbow resting on my left knee, my right hand searched down through damp monkey grass for the base of an offending weed. This morning I pulled that weed and a handful more and cast them over the fence. This morning I realized that I have turned into my grandmother.

It all started with a cup of coffee with Husband on the deck, the morning unnaturally cool for an Alabama August. As we chatted, our attention turned to what we have come to refer to as “the backyard reclamation project.” Our sloping, rocky backyard had become weedy and overgrown, and we have been vigilantly trying to fight back Mother Nature one little section at a time with mulch, gravel, pavers, and the carefully-placed, hearty shrub. We think we’re winning, but it’s a daily battle.

Granny with one of her many prize-winning bouquets

That’s how I came to be in the yard, in my housecoat. There was a weed, audacious and mocking, peeking out in one of my carefully manicured flower beds. I could not sit still. A force greater than I compelled me to go down to the bed, stoop over, and pluck the offending interloper, and all of his insidious little friends, up by the very roots. Rear end in the air, head down, the realization hit me. I am Granny.

Now Granny was an avid horticulturist, and I, admittedly, have a black thumb when it comes to cultivating anything more than weeds. Granny would head out into the yard early every morning in her Models Coat and Baw’s old loafer-looking man slippers. She and Leroy would water, plant, haul, edge, mulch and prune until the sun was high. Then, around 11 or so, Granny would head inside to clean up and get dressed for the day.

Every day, you would find Granny and Leroy, shoulder to shoulder, amongst the daylilies, camellias, zinnias, snapdragons, water lilies. Lantana, amaryllis, pansies, johnny jump-ups, azaleas, iris. Roses, princess feathers, crinum, spider lilies, geraniums, impatiens. Granny in her housecoat, with a truckload of manure and a trowel, could grow anything.

And she won prizes!

Not only did she coax beautiful blooms from all manner of seedlings, cuttings, and bulbs, she fashioned the blossoms into glorious arrangements. She entered every flower show the Citronelle Garden Club hosted and brought home ribbon after blue ribbon. She had a true talent for taking a dry block of green oasis and studding it with the best, hand-picked blooms from her yard until it was miraculously converted into a piece of living artwork.

But try as I might, with my garden clogs, Smith & Hawken garden kneeler, flowered garden gloves, and wide-brimmed sunhat, about the best I can do is not kill the heartiest of hearty plants. I over-water and under-water. I prune and transplant at all the wrong times. My Virginia creeper and poison ivy thrive, while my expensive store-bought plants shed leaves, turn brown, shrivel and die.

But maybe I’ve been going about it all wrong. Maybe today was a revelation of a different sort. Maybe it doesn’t take expensive tools and gear to turn my backyard jungle into a lush Garden of Eden.

Maybe all it takes is a little daily attention, a truckload of manure, and a sweaty, dirty Models Coat.

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Relolly and Brother

Leroy was Granny’s yard man.

He was jolly, always quick with a joke or a funny rhyme. He believed that if you hung a dead snake over a tree limb it would rain. He believed that garlic kept the haints away. He had biceps as big as tree trunks, or so it seemed to me, and he was the strongest person I knew.

So strong, in fact, that he could drink gasoline.

It’s true! Every day Leroy brought his lunch and a big Ball jar of clear orange liquid which he kept in the garage refrigerator. Every so often he would take a break, get the jar out of the fridge, and tell Brother and me with a wink and a big toothless grin, “I’m so tough I can drink gasoline.” With that, he would turn the jar up and guzzle it right on down.

We were slack-jawed in amazement. We had no doubt.

We knew that Leroy, or “Relolly” as Brother called him, had led an incredibly hard life. We could see the callouses and scars. We had heard the stories.

But Leroy was always on top of the world. He would often tell me “I’ve got it made in the shade down deep with a silver spade.” He had no doubt.

Many years later I found myself in the middle of a messy divorce, a single mother with a five-year-old who was depending on me. Betrayed, sad, scared. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. That is not, however, necessarily practical when one has a child to support and care for, so I muddled on.

One day around that same time I was sitting in my kitchen when an enormous “palmetto bug” decided to saunter across my kitchen floor. “Palmetto bug” sounds cute and beachy. It is not. In fact, this creepy, brown intruder was the roach that broke the camel’s back.

Normally, I would have screamed like a little girl for Daddy to come kill it. But there was no daddy. Or brother. Or husband. There was only me. And these were not normal times. I had had all I could stand.

I snatched off my flip flop and smashed that palmetto bug into a greasy spot right where it stood with probably way yonder more force than was required. “So there!,” I thought, “That’ll teach you!”

High on adrenalin and fueled with vengeful thoughts, I scraped it off the linoleum, threw it in the garbage, and lugged the whole nasty mess up to the street. Goodbye and good riddance!

Walking back to the house, I thought to myself with a grin, “I’m so tough I can drink gasoline.”

Things got better after that. The dark year finally ended. A smart, sweet, funny college classmate found me, and I now call him Husband. Sonny has turned out to be a fine and talented young man of whom I am so very proud.I have everything in life a girl could ever dream of.

Now, when I walk up to my home I think back on Leroy’s other words. “I’ve got it made in the shade, down deep with a silver spade.”

I have no doubt.

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Dawg Days are upon us. Go on…draw that syllable out just like the heat and humidity that threatens to stretch clear to Halloween. It’s too hot to talk fast. Too hot to think fast. Too hot to do much besides indolently stand in the yard dribbling precious cool water on flowers as parched as you are.

This annual late summer conflagration and the contemplation thereof is some serious and Sirius business dating all the way back to ancient Rome when is was believed that the appearance of the Dog Star was a precursor to the hottest, most sultry days of summer. Back then, a brown dog would be sacrificed to appease the god in hopes that his wrath would be assuaged and the crops would not wither and die in the fields.

Now, I’d be hard-pressed to kill a dog no matter how hot it gets, but a snake is another matter entirely. According to Leroy, who Granny employed to help her tend her enormous yard, gardens, and hothouse and who was a veritable font of valuable information regarding all manner of superstition, all it takes to break the dark spell of Dawg Days is a snake. A dead one. Hung carefully over a tree branch.

Now, I am unclear as to whether species of snake matters, and there seems to be a debate about whether the snake should be hung belly up or belly down, in a tree or on a fence. But about one thing I am completely certain – this is some powerful mojo and it works. Fast. Without fail.

In fact, Leroy made it his common practice during the summer months to kill every snake he ran across and hang their carcasses up in the trees. Consequently, we always had plenty of rain, but not too much, Granny’s flower beds thrived to her delight, and two little tow-headed kids thought he was a mystical rainmaker capable of performing miracles.

I warn you in advance, if you go hanging dead snakes in the far reaches of your yard – in the far reaches because you don’t want company to come and there be a big, dead rattler right by the driveway scaring your guests, not because it works better if there is a distance – anyway, if you go hanging up some dead snakes, forget where you put them, and go strolling about, you might be in for a nasty surprise. But, should you decide you wish to pursue this line of defense against the most torrid, sweltering days of the year, you will be rewarded for your efforts.

Leroy and I guarantee it.

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