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She was almost 99 when she died. Almost.

She attributed her longevity to rain. Not watching it. Getting wet in it.

As May approaches, I always start thinking of Granny. Her birthday is May 5. She would have been 109 this year.

I thought she would live forever. I think she did too, asking me once “How old was Methuselah really?”

Granny

You see, Granny firmly believed that if you got wet in the first May rain, you would not be sick for the rest of the year. It seems to be true.

Granny did not diet; dessert was mandatory. Granny did not exercise although she worked in her yard daily. She did not take medicine, not an aspirin, not a spoonful of Creomulsion.

There was no Tai Chi, Tae Bo, Kwan Do, Cross fit, or Karate. No Zumba, Yoga, Troga, or Sweatin’ with the Oldies. No treadmill, no recumbent, no elliptical. Certainly no running. Why run somewhere when you can get in your big long Chrysler car and drive?

She didn’t need it. For every year, as the fifth month began, we would perch at the ready waiting for a gray cloud to darken the blue South Alabama sky, listening for a distant rumble of thunder. Is the breeze picking up? Does it feel more humid?

Then as soon as the first drops began to fall, we would race outside and get wet in the first magical, mystical, healing May rain.

Now to be sure, Granny was no hard-bodied hottie. Not in her youth; not in her so-called golden years. If you subscribe to her notion of the power of precipitation, you must be well aware of the consequences and willing to accept them.

Your might see a slight jiggle when you lift your arm. [Gasp!] There might be a dimple or two in your thigh area. [Egads!]  You might not have pecs. [Ladies, not really the most attractive look anyway.]

And you just might have to come to terms with looking just how you look, and being just fine with it. [Oh, the horror!]

Make no mistake. Granny prided herself on being well-dressed, neat, proper.  But Granny didn’t sweat a wrinkle. She didn’t paint her face all up, although a little powder and lipstick were de riguer. She didn’t dye her snowy hair, white since her late 30s.

And she did exercise. She exercised her mind. She read a great deal, but the Press-Register and the Bible she read every day. She was a cut-throat bridge player. Strategy. Subtlety. She worked crosswords and find-a-words. She conversed. She questioned. She believed.

So maybe the secret to longevity is not in a few drops of water from the sky, but in the contentment that comes with believing those drops will make everything alright – at least for one more year.

Either way, this year, as I do every year, when I hear the first distant clap of thunder, I will go stand outside and wait. Wait for the rain. Wait for contentment.

Thank you, Granny.

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Dawg Days are upon us. Go on…draw that syllable out just like the heat and humidity that threatens to stretch clear to Halloween. It’s too hot to talk fast. Too hot to think fast. Too hot to do much besides indolently stand in the yard dribbling precious cool water on flowers as parched as you are.

This annual late summer conflagration and the contemplation thereof is some serious and Sirius business dating all the way back to ancient Rome when is was believed that the appearance of the Dog Star was a precursor to the hottest, most sultry days of summer. Back then, a brown dog would be sacrificed to appease the god in hopes that his wrath would be assuaged and the crops would not wither and die in the fields.

Now, I’d be hard-pressed to kill a dog no matter how hot it gets, but a snake is another matter entirely. According to Leroy, who Granny employed to help her tend her enormous yard, gardens, and hothouse and who was a veritable font of valuable information regarding all manner of superstition, all it takes to break the dark spell of Dawg Days is a snake. A dead one. Hung carefully over a tree branch.

Now, I am unclear as to whether species of snake matters, and there seems to be a debate about whether the snake should be hung belly up or belly down, in a tree or on a fence. But about one thing I am completely certain – this is some powerful mojo and it works. Fast. Without fail.

In fact, Leroy made it his common practice during the summer months to kill every snake he ran across and hang their carcasses up in the trees. Consequently, we always had plenty of rain, but not too much, Granny’s flower beds thrived to her delight, and two little tow-headed kids thought he was a mystical rainmaker capable of performing miracles.

I warn you in advance, if you go hanging dead snakes in the far reaches of your yard – in the far reaches because you don’t want company to come and there be a big, dead rattler right by the driveway scaring your guests, not because it works better if there is a distance – anyway, if you go hanging up some dead snakes, forget where you put them, and go strolling about, you might be in for a nasty surprise. But, should you decide you wish to pursue this line of defense against the most torrid, sweltering days of the year, you will be rewarded for your efforts.

Leroy and I guarantee it.

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