As cold as floogie

It is as cold as floogie.

At least that’s how Mama describes the weather we’ve had this winter — as cold as floogie.

She’s used this description for as long as I can remember, although the word “floogie” doesn’t seem to have any real meaning. It’s sort of onomatopoetic in a way. “Ooooo it’s so cold. Cold as floogie!!!” I say it myself sometimes. I never questioned it. I just thought it was a funny thing to say.

Then I ran across this Mental Floss article, 11 Obscure Regional Phrases to Describe the Cold. Number 9 on the list quoted a line penned by Herman Melville, “Cold as Blue Flujin, where sailors say fire freezes.” Flujin? Floogie? Sounds pretty darn close to me. Sounds to me like a word that was quite likely misheard and put into use.

I can’t find any other reference to Blue Flujin other than Melville’s. Where did the saying come from? Where is this place? I hope I never find out. You see, I don’t like the cold. In fact, I pretty well hate it. I will take a hundred degrees in the shade any day of the week over having the mercury dip below 50, much less down into the [gasp!] single digits.

Like my Southern brethren who were absolutely hung out to dry in Blue Flujin a couple of weeks ago, I am not prepared for snowy or icy weather. I don’t know how to drive in it. I don’t like to frolic in it. I don’t have the clothes for it. And I don’t drink milk, which seems to be some sort of requirement for a snow day.

Here’s what’s nice about the heat of summer — no special driving skills are necessary, any frolicking that must commence can be done in the pool or the ocean, the fewer clothes you wear the better, and beer and/or fruity cocktails are de rigueur. Now that’s my kind of day!

“But this wintry wonderland is so pretty!” they say. “We can make snow angels and take pictures of our dogs!” they exclaim. “We can wait in endless lines to get some moo juice and make s’mores!” they titter.

“Have a big time,” I say. You’ll find me at the house counting the days until summer. I’ll like the cold when Blue Flujin freezes over.