I’m so hungry my stomach thinks my throat’s been cut

The big day is here. A time to gather with family and friends, break bread together, and count our many blessings. And maybe learn a few new sayings. Here’s how my Thanksgiving Day will probably go — idiom by idiom.

When I cook, like this year, I have to get up before the chickens, which is approximately daylight. But if you plan to get Thanksgiving dinner on the table by noon or one, then you have to rise and shine. Just between you and me, I may rise, but I won’t be shining.

So I don’t work myself into the ground, I like to get a little help from Sonny. Children can be handy as a shirt pocket! Just don’t try to get them out of bed too early. Otherwise they will sull up like a possum and not be any good to anyone.

Now I like to baste my turkey with a little white wine. A little wine for the birdy, a little wine for me, a little wine for the birdy, a little wine for me…you know how it goes. I’ve got to watch out though, or I’ll be drunker than Cooter Brown by 10!

Once all the good food smells start wafting about, that’s when I get so hungry my stomach thinks my throat has been cut! It’s time to get all the food on the table, but if it’s not picture perfect, you know what they say, don’t sweat the mule going blind; just load the wagon. After all, that food will only be on the table a minute before everyone digs in.

There’s not a Thanksgiving dish that I don’t like. You know me — I’ll eat anything that won’t eat me first! And once I go back for seconds (and maybe even thirds!), I’ll be as full as a tick. But no matter how full I am, I’ll wind up doing dishes until the cows come home. It’s a good thing some of them can go in my new dishwasher. It’s the best thing since sliced bread!

Not a Thanksgiving goes by, though, that someone doesn’t get their drawers in a wad over something. It’s usually just a tempest in a teacup though, and it’s better to remember that all of our old disagreements are now just so much water under the bridge. There’s no need to go making a mountain out of a molehill.

After dinner with the kissing kin, we might gather around the piano and sing a few of the good old-timey hymns. I try to make a joyful noise, but I really can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Later in the afternoon, when the football games come on, everyone will be laid up like a week’s worth of laundry. Some of those men will sure ‘nuff be sawing logs!

At the end of a big day like today, I’m always tired to death. I’ll surely need my beauty sleep. But I never forget to take just a minute before I hit the hay to thank God for small favors.

Happy Thanksgiving!